What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
