Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
