i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
vagina is talking i cant
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
