we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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