Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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