Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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