if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize