did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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