thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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