I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
