The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
