Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
