I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
