I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
