he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
