from now on my penis is your penis
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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