I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
