when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
