i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
