Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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