Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
