She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm bleeding and have questions
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
