You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
