Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
