oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
