I feel like abortions should bother me more
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
