I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
