my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Damn victory sex feels great
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
