Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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