There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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