the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
