Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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