I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
