Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
