i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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