God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
