Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
