I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
