My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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