i already hear my dad disowning me
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
we're making bets on your personal life
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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