How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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