All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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