Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
