4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
