He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
