she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
