i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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