he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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