So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
