You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
