I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
