apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
