Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Can you bring me the toilet please
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
