that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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