Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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