he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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