Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
