hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Randomize
