she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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