Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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