I only kidnapped one of them. chill
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
