is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
