Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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