Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize