Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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