in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
