brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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