Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
