this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
