she was so not down for the gang bang
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
